The Hobbit- Chapter Seven: Queer Lodgings, Entry 1

“Farewell!” they cried, “wherever you fare, till your eyries receive you at the journey’s end!” That is the polite thing to say among eagles.

What a great example of cross-cultural communication! Living in India I say the polite thing to say among Americans but it doesn’t convey the same meaning to my Indian hosts. In America we are taught to say “please” and “thank you” umpteen times a day, but if my Indian friend offers me a drink and I answer, “No, thank you,” then she is confused because “thank you” is more often paired with gratitude when receiving something. Or after having chai and snacks, when I say “Thank you,” I have been formal and not polite as I had intended. Indians say that among friends there are no “sorries” and no “thank yous.” So, I have learned to say, “The chai was very nice,” instead.

In general, as an American living in Delhi I am much too formal. I say “Thank you” all the time out and about in the markets. I speak to my househelper and rickshaw drivers in the polite form of you (aap instead of tum), and answer “yes” very politely (ji-haa instead of haa) and call them Ji (meaning Sir/Madam). I do default to the polite; better to be too formal than too informal. I am still learning to navigate this verbal maze of “What are manners?” here in Delhi.

In Indian culture it depends on who you are with, who you are speaking to or where you fit on the social scale compared to that person, as to which forms of you (aap, tum, or tu) you use or don’t use and how respectful you are. This has proved to be a bit of an enigma for me as I struggle to create my “hybrid American-Indian self.” For example, when I speak to rickshaw drivers and beggars in the proper you form (aap), am I conveying to them the message of, “I view you as being as much of a person as I am?” Or are they thinking, “That foreigner sure doesn’t know how to speak normally?” I always come to the same conclusion: This is just going to take a lot more time and experience to sort out.

This little excerpt also makes me think of the different greetings spoken here. Usually you will say, “Namaste,” but to be proper you can add a ji, “Namaste-ji.” Or to sound more local you can say, “Namashkaar” (I have yet to learn the Muslim greeting). But sometimes you are told to stop being so formal and just say, “Hello!”